"Every thought I had watching Netflix's The Noel Diary" (2023)

i have seen manyChristmas Moviesthis year, and I realized something very important: I like my holiday comedy to be served lighter than a cheese soufflé and ideally twice as fluffy.

I also like movies in my romantic comedies and lots of fake snow coveted coats and mistletoe kisses. And of course I want an absolutely fantastic soundtrack (cfTo the silent princess 2the excellent use that Kelly Clarkson makesunder the treeif you need an example).

When I heard people talking about NetflixSanta diarySo I was excited. Maybe this would become a new Christmas classic and make it to the top of my favouritesvacations. Maybe it filled me from head to toe with that holiday feeling. It could be.

The film tells the story of best-selling author Jake Turner (Justin Hartley) who slips into the role of the classic career woman of Christmas romantic comedies when he returns to his hometown for the holidays. Public holidays. Why? Well, to settle your estranged mother's estate, which is not the casescreamfestive fun, but you know.

During the big cleanup, she discovers the journal of a mysterious woman named Noel (hey, that explains the title!), which may contain secrets from her own past. However, it also tells the story of Rachel (Barrett Doss), a mysterious young woman he meets on his doorstep. He was wearing a red and cream plaid coat. Obviously.

Together, the duo embarks on a journey to confront their past and discover a future totally unexpected...or totally expected, depending on how many romance novels the viewer has seen in their lifetime.

Because here's the thing: This isn't a Christmas rom-com, this is real romance. A festive one, of course, but don't go insideSanta diaryI expected lots of laughs like this clueless writer did.

Check out the trailer fromSanta diaryunder:

And on that note, here are all the thoughts I had while watchingSanta diary. Do what you want with them.

1) Ooh, we start with a flashback (does it count as a flashback if it's the first shot? Whatever...) of a woman writing in her journal. She's not very optimistic about her future, or little Jacob's future, or the future of some mysterious person. He does use an ink pen though, so we know that was a long time ago because... well, laptops are around now, aren't they?

2) Wow! So we're thrown back in time to a busy book signing in Chicago by a very handsome (and apparently very famous) author. It's Jake! Her adoring fans want to know why she doesn't write novels, what her vacation plans are and if she can sleep with them. Okay, well, they don't verbalise the last nit per se, but it's pretty clear that everyone wants a little Jake Turner...especially when they put their glasses on.

3) However, as this next long shot of Jake's palatial home shows, the only woman he has time for in his life is his beloved dog, Ava. And maybe his assistant/dog sitter Svetlana...even if she asks profound questions about his private life.

4) He likes jazz, folks. He skipped every Christmas carol on the radio to get to the jazz station, and I have a feeling that for some reason that's going to be a major plot point.

5) Annnnnd the phone rings and he answers and yes his mother is dead so we can all tag thatTrope "tote Mutter".on our Christmas movie bingo list, okay?

6) Not only does Jake have to come home to take care of his late mother's belongings, but he also has to do the same during the holidays... and it turns out she was a hamster. So you have a lot of work ahead of you. It's good that it's the most beautiful snow-covered house in the world, isn't it? With singers lurking outside singing their sweetest songs, no less.

7) If I hadn't already predicted that Jake would end up with Rachel, I would love to make it up to his lovely neighbor. Sure, she's an older woman (as her scarf and perfectly silver locks make clear), but here's something. A little chemistry. And – to coin an expressionCala de Schitt- a whisper of desire.

8) A spooky scene of a tree stump set to dark music suggests that Jake's mother's alcoholism (an alcoholic mother who was killed at Christmas, y'all!) was caused by... that tree. Somehow. I'm sure we'll learn more as time goes on.

9) Okay, Jake is visiting his brother's grave as an act of remembrance (and a handy display for anyone watching at home). This will affect the stump mentioned above, I assume.

10) Side note: Ava is the most beautiful dog I have ever seen. je. And that even includes my beloved dog.

11) A woman lurks outside Jake's house, but she turns away when she catches him looking at her through the window. He's wearing a really boring gray coat, so it's not time for them to meet yet.

12) Ellie (the attractive elderly neighbor who Jake shares all chemistry with) shows up to feed him and his dog tomato soup, which by the way should never be done since most dogs are allergic to tomatoes. and telling her to contact her estranged father. Also asking for help setting up your profile on the very fake online dating site.50 and fabulous. Jake is very keen on the idea and will even use his bestselling author skills to write his bio. You'll be inundated with appointments in no time!

13) For someone who is constantly cold, Jake likes to keep his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Better to flex those mighty forearms I think.

14) Ajá, Rachel se ha ese has taken shelter a cuadros rojo y crema, she introduces Jake and Ava and he reveals her story: She is trying to find her mother, her adoption record shows that this place is the last known place of was your mother. Direction, and... yeah, Jake isn't very interested in helping "Nancy Drew" on her mission. However, he is more than willing to talk to her about Gladys Knight and other great music legends.priorities.

15) Rachel didn't go down in history as the world's most famous author; She considers him a struggling artist. And I think that's a big part of why he changes his mind about helping her; He's completely smitten with the idea that this isn't the first time a woman has flattered him. He'll take you to talk to Ellie.

16) Luckily, Ellie has already landed a first date (it was quick!), so Jake invites Rachel to dinner at the Italian restaurant in town. There we found out that our girl is a) fluent in Italian, b) prefers to split her bills, c) is applying for a job at the UN and d) is ENGAGED. For a bored accountant named ALAN. We're honestly as surprised as Jake.

17) Long story short (too late!): Rachel and Jake are playing the piano late one night before talking to Ellie about Rachel's biological mother, who was Jake's 17-year-old au pair. a Christmas thing") many, many years ago. It's odd that she doesn't remember it, but whatever. She advises the couple to speak to Jake's estranged father for more information, and then, after a thorough Investigation, anguished conscience about Jake, they load up their 4x4 and together they set off on a beautiful cross-country winter adventure.Honestly, every stop on their journey feels like it was plucked straight from a Christmas card.

18) Another side note: Jake is walking barefoot in the rain in a soaked white t-shirt, Mr. Darcy, it was so unnecessary. But still appreciated.

19) Rachel googled Jake 100% so she knows he is a very famous author now. Balance is restored. Also, a good safety tip: Always google the stranger you're teaming up with for a long-distance trip.

20) Also, Rachel found her mother's diary hidden among Jake's things. Do you know how he knows it's his mother's diary? Because the first line says, "My name is Noel Ellis, I'm 17 years old and pregnant." PRACTICAL!

21) Jake tells Rachel how his brother died, but we don't hear a word because the audio randomly cuts out (don't worry, they're replacing it with even darker music) and we have slow motion of him. revealing something through tears before Rachel took her hand. Which is... weird, I'm not going to lie.

22) There are also LOTS of green screen snow scenes in this movie, especially all the "almost kiss" moments. Fake snow, fake trees, fake landscapes, and I refuse to pretend not to notice.

23) Rachel may be engaged, but she sure isn't: she wants to know why "handsome" Jake is still single. She wants to flirt. She wants to buy a copy of his book and secretly (albeit very loudly) read it in bed. She wants to walk the dog while talking to the very boring (albeit very handsome, she has a guy!) Alan. Poor Alan, whose only crime is planning an engagement party at her favorite restaurant, loving her infinitely, and not asking too many questions about where she is or who she is with. Health.

24) Jake's father lives in a ridiculously big cabin in the woods (especially considering he's a social worker and not a billionaire). When they find him, he's too busy chopping down a (fake) tree for his first Christmas with his son in a while, and Jake's absent father does the whole "I've texted you every day for a year"- thing." that Ryan Gosling uses on Rachel. . McAdams aThe notebookwhen Jake asks him out. He also left a message or two on the answering machine.

Apparently that's enough for Jake, who forgives Dad with a hug. Personally, however, this author feels that maybe Dad should have visited his son once in a while instead of abandoning them forever when his letters go unanswered.

25) Dad happily completes the story about Jake's brother (whom we lost when the audio stopped) and tells us that the boy died while hanging a Christmas ornament on a giant tree outside. He blames himself for letting the boy go up there in a snowstorm. This author also blames him because, frankly, that's a really stupid parenting decision.

26) Jake's dad thinks these boys would make a great couple. Too bad Rachel is marrying a perfect gentleman and therefore has no interest in Jake, isn't it?

27) Wait, this is the plot offrozen? Separated parents, dramatic tales of snowstorms and brothers, a woman involved in a long journey with a broad-shouldered man who is not her fiancé, an unexpected blossoming of romance...? ThatESthe plot offrozen!

28) Except for the magic, of course.

29) Anyway, I digress: There are two more rooms in the inn on the first pit stop, so Jake and Rachel don't have to share, in keeping with the classic rom-com trope. The second inn, however, is a completely different story: our very compatible friends not only have to share a room, but also a bed, leading to a torrid night of tender, loving, and passionate fun, largely because Jake asks for it a candlelit cake (understatement of the century: that's a fire hazard like no other) when he finds out it's Rachel's birthday. The birthday cake is apparently hot. While not as hot as the flames of all those candles combined, it's no wonder they end up empty.

30) Jake wakes up to find that Rachel ran away and left a note next to her sleeping head explaining what a great night it was, but she just doesn't regret it. She goes to find Alan. You don't have to find Noel anymore. Thank you, sorry, not sorry, bye.

31) Rachel may not want to track down Noel, but Jake finds her in a remote hospital and thanks her for helping his family more than he ever thought (or even remembers, because let's not forget that he remembered remembered nothing of her) . in total). beginning of the movie).

32) Noel prompts him to tell Rachel he'd like to hear from her, and he nods ceremoniously as she cries softly on the roof of a snow-covered hospital. Apparently the local cafe was closed or something. . .

33) Rachel spends Christmas with her foster parents, where they can't help but notice that she a) doesn't seem smitten with Alan and b) eagerly ignores another man's calls. Strange.

34) When Rachel answers the phone, she tells Jake not to bother finding her... which is unfortunate since he's already tracked her down (creepy) and is in another puff of smoke outside her house. CGI snow. She's doing this whole thing with Arya and NymeriaWar Two Thrones("Get out of here. Because I don't love you even if I do. Just go!") And finally, he finally respects her wishes and leaves. With her well-behaved dog trotting at her heels.

35) Back at his late mother's house, Jake packs up the last of the boxes, reads all of his father's lost letters, and chats with Ellie and her boyfriend, who suddenly become serious (they eat Christmas dinner together, z God's love). He tells Ellie that he's impossible with Rachel, and he is. apart from…

36) ...as he leaves, he finds Rachel smiling in front of her house, obviously not feeling the chill of the artificial snow falling around her. He returns her smile. AND THAT'S IT?

37) Yes, the film ends there. We never see Rachel with Noel again, even though the entire film is named after the poor woman. We never find out what happened to Alan, obviously very well and very aptly. And we didn't see that big kiss we built either.

38) Whatever, I'm leaving. Merry goddamn Christmas everyone.